Red pill? Blue pill

It’s a new day. Toughen up they say

In my head

I am a man. I attract I don’t chase

It’s behind you

Time will heal you

She is not for you

It was a winter fling

Probably it’s her thing

Used you because she wanted more

before “they” closed the door

Why so special

You barely been together

You barely know her

Long distance relationship

She does not want to be with anyone not just you fool

Demons. Fuck you head. Listen to your heart.

I am in an alley. Rainy.

Eyes full of squishy liquid. Not tears!

I hide my eyes from myself.

I hide myself from myself.

I don’t look at myself in the mirror

Not again.

Maybe she forgot you

Maybe she met someone other than you

Maybe she is still in love with an ex

Maybe loosing the job is not on the table anymore

No way anyone can feel so much and be so cold

You are not her

She is not you

Enjoy the arts.

Day before last. drown yourself in the art

Art is truth

The other day after we spoke last I was feeling like shit but I held it together.

Made a mistake at a mall and opened your insta account and I lost it

I ran out. Literally ran straight To the hotel room. Collapsed

Suffocated myself in pillows. Don’t know if it was light or night. Definitely not bright. Sad as I was.

3 days passed.

My voice still crackly from the emotions I let out

I can still feel a lump in my throat and I don’t want it to go. It makes me feel alive alone loved. Maybe. I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I don’t know. What I know. What surprised me most. What I would never have guessed !. What I miss most is your voice. How you pronounce your words. The twitch in your lips. But I never heard you call my name !! Weird. Or even type it!! Weird! You only said “hey”! Abstract me. Huh! Distancing yourself. As if you knew what would happen. Hummm!! Winter fling! Not her first thing!! Demons. Fuck you head.

But what if it all works out? Be scared of the enormity of the possible. I read that. I believe it.

Does she?

DO YOU?

I want to send this to you. Don’t know if I will.

It’s a rainy day here in north Italy. the sky is weeping for me. Hopeful or hopeless romantic or fool or whatever.

I have a lump in my throat. It hurts.

What are you doing now?

Is she thinking of me?

Is she hurting like I ?

If yes would you be satisfied?

I don’t know

I can’t know

I want to know

I don’t want to know

Because if NO ….. Fuck no

All I want to know is when will I hear her voice again.

Don’t read it. Don’t think. Just send it. Trust your feelings. What if I scare her.? What if she loves me less? What if she cringed at the words? But What if it all works out?

Be afraid of the enormity of the possible.

I want to worship your naked body Ride me till the sun goes down on you like I want to worship your naked body Ride me till the sun goes down on you like I want to worship your naked body Ride me till the sun goes down on you like I want to worship your naked body Ride me till the sun goes down on you like I want to go down on you till the sun comes up.

But what if it aLl woRks out?

I still have a lump in my throat